Life Blog and More…


Life Blog – A Test Of Love

I have had my first cycle of the latest regime of chemotheropathy and I have not had any awful reactions to it.

However, I am getting side effects from the cancer which are not nice. The liver is not dealing with my bile properly so I get yellow eyes and my skin has gone yellow and none of this is nice. I also get never ending hiccups which sounds funny but trust me it is really no joke whatsoever.

The upshot is I will be off work until at least the new year and to be frank Ithink that is the right decision though I’ve always felt work was a great positive in live. A framework of normality.

This all makes me irritable and tetchy. Chtissie can’t seem to do a thing right in my eyes! In reality of course she could not try harder to smooth my path. This is the frontier we must fight hardest on. It is where we are strongest. Win this frontier and though the Big C might separate us bodily it will not break our spirit. Chrissie will go on and live a great life invigorated by knowing how much she has been loved. 

I’ll end the sentimentality there, but walk along with us on our trip as we carry on smiling and discovering each other.



Life Blog – Another Consultation

After the disappointing news on Tuesday regarding the trial, Peanut put the wheels in motion for me to have a consultation in Worcester. She soon had it organised for  Thursday morning.

With Peanut having a week’s work this week it was decided she would not miss work and so Ivasked my friend Andy to come with me. The appointment was 11.20 but we waited an hour for it. The Doctor was as disappointed as I was but nonetheless less put on a positive face and advised that we return to oxalyplatin, a chemo treatment I had had two years ago. It’s affects had begun to diminish but hopefully after a break it will work again.

Out of the consultation and I had another long queue to give bloods. Then it was back to Andy’s for a much overdue sandwich at 3. 

I went home for a quick sleep before P came home and I updated her on how I’d got in. So far so good and at least there is a plan in place once more.


Life Blog – Disappearing Rail Tracks And No Stops on the Track

Chris left for work but I felt a bit rough. Later I rallied and went to work. On the way I got the need to go to the toilet badly. I made it to work and headed straight for the loo. It was awful diahorea but afterwards I felt a bit more comfortable. His work mates were pleased to see him and Michelle made him what turned out to be a very nice cup of tea.

My mobile rang and it was Heartlands Hospital. They were ringing about my blood results from yesterday. Unfortunately one of the blood tests on the liver failed and as a result they are not able to offer me the trial.

That’s it, there is no treatment left for me. I rang Chris and left her a message. Then in a state of shock I drove home to curl up in a ball. Chris phoned me. She was sad. I was sad. It all just felt sad. She said she would get in touch with our consultant at Worcester.

I phoned my Mum. She did not know what to say. She then phoned me back about 4 times regarding problems she has with one of her bank accounts. Leave me alone I couldn’t cope with it. It suddenly got really on top of me and I felt like the loneliest person in the world.

Then Chris rang. She had got me an appointment to see the consultant at Worcester. A foot soldier always. It won’t change anything but it has to be done.

If you read my blog then it was always leading to this point but we go everywhere with a smile let’s not forget that.


Life Blog -Consultation at Heartlands Hospital Birmingham

Here is a photo of Bertie enjoying Planet Earth 2, put up for no other reason than he is irristible.

Another day another consultation but with each day and each consultation the stakes get higher, more and more rides on the outcome.

This latest consultation was at Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham and it was to assess whether or not I am a suitable “candidate” for the trial. We left for the appointment in good time. We gave ourselves an embarrassingly large margin of safety in time terms for this meeting. We arrived 15 minutes late. I was stressed. My tummy ached.

They had a television on in the waiting room. “Homes under The Hammer” was on. It was normality and it really calmed me down. I was quickly called to be weighed. It’s not good. I’m not a feather weight but I have lost a lot of weight. We were called in.

The lady introduced herself and a colleague who was sitting in on the consultation as a student. A lot of questions were asked. She soon decided that she thought I was very suitable for the trial and she outlined the treatment. 

Three treatments are on offer, the one being trialled being given to 50% of people the other two to the other half. It is a randomized trial. A lot of testing will be done prior to starting the treatment. CT scan, ECG, bloods and lots more. Many trips to Heartlands will be involved so we will have to fine tune this journey. I go back on Monday for some tests and to return my signed consent which they insisted I think on, rather than just sign straight away. 

The wait for this consultation was emotionally draining but now once more I am working within a plan and this has really lifted me up. 

Already I am noticing the important things in life. Mrs P has had another haircut from her stylist Mark. He is a God amongst hair stylists. Chrissie looks simply fabulous – ten years younger than her age – match this to her simple desire to please and I’m back counting my blessings. I’m not some poor unfortunate guy with the Big C, no I am Ady or Beastie, Mr Beastie, Beastmaster or Worth and I am a lucky, lucky man with a caring loving wife, who quite simply would do what it takes to keep me riding by her side in our chariot!