Last night just after 7pm I suddenly had a vicious attack of pain in my back and bowel. The pain was simply excruciating and relentless. It appeared that my bowel was blocked and I was repeatedly sick bringing everything up that I had eaten or drunk. I was constipated and nothing would change that. I tried morphine for pain relief but sicked it up half an hour later.
A hot bath brought some relief and with Lady P holding my hand I fell asleep in the bath. The relief was wonderful. I got out of the bath and the pain returned. I could not find a comfortable position to lie and the pain went on all through the night.
Morning came and the pain persisted. I had another hot bath and more relief as I was able to sleep for half an hour. My Florence again held my hand. I had a consultation today in Worcester. I arrived there in incredible pain. The drive there was horrific. Every bounce and bump of the car reverberated through my body hurting my back and side.
The consultant immediately examined me. He got me two paracetamol and within half an hour the pain eased! Paracetamol for God’s sake. All that agony and we never thought of paracetamol.
The consultation veered between fixing my pain and discussing my recent ct scan result. It turns out that there was more going on than we realised from our Oxford consultation. Yes the tumours in my liver were growing but so too are the lymph nodes in my back. These might be a part of this excruciating pain as they press on nerve ends in my back.
Repeating the SIRT treatment would help with the liver but not the lymph nodes. The consultant had another treatment up his sleeve that if it works will attack on all fronts. The cool name for it is TAS-102, marketed in Japan as Lonsurf. Oxford are still investigating the SIRT treatment and a clinical trial in Birmingham might also be available from late July onwards. For now though I have signed up for TAS-102.
Back to my pain. The paracetamol had worked sufficiently for me to take all this information in. He also gave me some laxatives, some steroids to decrease the swelling in the liver and more metaclopramide for anti sickness. Back home and I took a cocktail of these and the pain went away.
I’m shattered, I’m emotionally drained but I’m pain free. I was able to watch the last 20 minutes of the England v Wales match. I cried like a baby when we scored in injury time. I watched CSI and when Grissom and Co found Sara Sidle in the desert I was overcome. She woke in the helicopter and saw Grissom’s name tag on his chest. Tears of emotion poured from me.
My train journey is a long way along the tracks. The final stop is just over the horizon. I need more track than I have. I need it because I have so much love inside me for P and not enough track left to share it with her. We cried at this.
I’m all cried out now. I’m done with crying. Frankly the pain has subsided and I can’t begin to tell you how good that feels. It means I can listen while P reads Biggles to me. Simple pleasures. Look for simple pleasures in life, but always look for love.