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Life Blog – Living With The Big C

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It was September 2013 that the CT scan was done which revealed that the cancer had gotten hold and that I was now terminally ill. Since then my treatment has consisted of chemotherapy and Avastin and for now things have remained just about stable. My current treatment is chemotherapy daily in tablet form and Avastin by drip every three weeks. My feet are a tad sore as if I have been walking all day and are very sensitive and my fingers are a bit numb. I have picked up a few infections along the way which knocked me out for a week here and there but generally I have felt fine and am carrying on pretty much as normal – work, holidays and fun.

Don’t get me wrong The Big C never gets far from the front of your mind but we do  a pretty good job of having some fun and some laughs along our journey. We recently went on a wondeful holiday to the south of France and north Italy, where we watched the Monaco Historique Grand Prix, the Mille Miglia and got to play with some of our German friends in their Opel GTs in the Dolomites. It was a fantastic experience – 18 days of pure fun. Back home and back in the groove with something nice happening every weekend, be it a meal in a local restaurant with friends, a wedding in Cheltenham, a car breakfast meet at Shelsley Walsh, or as with the weekend just gone a MINI car meet at Lytham Hall near Blackpool.

Lady P has been busy ticking off things on her bucket list. First she expressed a wish to watch sunrise atop the Malvern Hills on the longest day. This saw us on the Hills at 4 am on Saturday morning, eating croissants and washing them down with Bellini, while we watched nature’s most wonderful sight – sunrise. The picture above captures what we witnessed quite well. There really is something very special about watching the sun peak the top of its head over the horizon and then rise to full splendour in quite a short space of time. A time to reflect and to be humbled by the giver of life. It was worth every yawn making effort of getting up at such a time. Secondly, Peanut has wanted to go on a balloon ride for a long long time and now we have finally set the ball rolling. Our flight is booked for the 14th July and that should be yet another memorable experience.

To be honest there can be a danger  that every time you do something wonderful, the thought that this might be the last time you do such a thing, can creep into your mind. Well yes but that’s the challenge, get on with it, move on and don’t allow melancholy thoughts to shadow over all the wonderful moments that life throws at us. I’m not saying it is easy, it isn’t and sometimes you have to let a tear creep into your life, that’s what being human is all about. On Saturday as we drove to my Mum’s in Buckley on route to the Mega MINI Meet at Lytham, we were working our way through our favourite Spotify tunes and streaming them out of the car speakers and John legend came on with All of Me :

“All Of Me”

[Verse 1:]
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You’ve got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
What’s going on in that beautiful mind
I’m on your magical mystery ride
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright

[Pre-Chorus:]
My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

[Chorus:]
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

[Verse 2:]
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I’m around through every mood
You’re my downfall, you’re my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

[Pre-Chorus:]
My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

[Chorus:]
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

[Bridge:]
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it’s hard

[Chorus:]
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

While driving, I stole a glance at Peanut and saw the tears streaming down her face and soon we were both crying. Peanut said the song makes her cry because she always hears it and knows that that is how I think of her – love your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections –  and especially poignant for us, You’re my end and my beginning, even when I lose I’m winning ’cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you. I will lose to the Big C, but I won’t really, I’m always winning, thanks to Mrs P.

So share the joy we have for life as we journey along, look at the two pictures here that I share with you. First the finest of Sunrises and a moment to ponder on the wonder of this world and secondly, me racing around The Dolomites in a sexy red sports car with a fit bird by my side – yep bizarrely perhaps but this really is the time of my life.

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